Parenting! A lot of things probably
come to your mind when you hear this word. Sometimes it might trigger
excitement, longing, joy, love, accomplishment, and gratitude inside of you.
Other times it might do the opposite and trigger fear, self-doubt, anxiety,
dread, and stress inside of you. Being a parent takes a lot of responsibility. It
stretches you and pushes you. There are also so many different approaches you
can take when it comes to parenting. There is also so much information out
there about dos and don’ts that some parents get so overwhelmed that they end
up taking a more passive approach to parenting. So how do we parent right? I do
not think there is one simple answer to this question. Today I am going to talk
about the different parenting styles.
There are
four main types of parenting. To distinguish the difference between these four
types, I like to think of putting it on a graph. The x-axis could be viewed as
a scale of expectations (either high/lots of expectations or low/not very many expectations).
The y-axis could be viewed as a scale of love (high/lots of love or low/not
very much love).
The first parenting style is called
authoritative. This style involves high expectations but also high love. What
this could look like in parenting is where the parents are involved in their kids’
lives. They help their kids reach high goals. The kids know what their parents
expect from them. The parents also show a lot of love and support. The kids
know that their parents love them, and they feel like they can turn to their parents
for help and guidance. The parents are warm, loving, good at listening, and
appropriate autonomy granting occurs.
The second parenting style is Authoritarian.
This is high on the expectation scale but low on the love scale. The parents
have high values of conformity and there are excessive harsh punishments. The parents
also do not grant very much autonomy. This can make the kids feel like they do
not have very much control of their life resulting in unhappiness. The kids
tend to either end up being bullies or they are very anxious.
The third parenting style is called
permissive. This is low on the expectation scale and high on the love scale. The
parents are warm and loving. However, the parents grant too much autonomy and
there are not very many requirements or expectations. These kids know that
their parents love them but also can become a little lost and confused in life.
They usually are immature, dependent, and can deal with impulse control
problems. Because of social media and all the information that it puts out
about parenting, parents can become confused and unsure about how to parent. They
then can have the tendency to fall into this type of parenting because they
lack confidence in their parenting abilities.
The fourth parenting style is neglectful.
This is low on the expectation scale and low on the love scale. The parents are
not involved in their kids’ lives. The kids cannot turn to their parents for guidance
or love. This has very negative outcomes and many kids can turn to drugs and
substance abuse. Often their parents are also involved in substance abuse and
maybe the reason they are not involved in their kids lives.
Like I mentioned before there are
lots of different approaches when it comes to parenting. Luckily we have a
Heavenly Father who gives us a perfect example to follow. Heavenly Father’s
parenting style would fall under authoritative. While He loves us
unconditionally, He also has set guidelines for us to follow. These guidelines and
expectations are further proof that He loves us and wants us to succeed. As
parents we need to help our kids feel so much love. But we also need to guide
them and teach them. This is what parents are supposed to do. While parenting
can seem scary, it is possible to succeed and find joy while doing it as we
rely on Jesus Christ.
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